Max Tries to Share, I Try to Solve

“I’ll try to listen better tomorrow and I hope I will.”
--Max, as I tucked him in at bedtime

It’s difficult to watch your child struggle with something. But “difficult” quickly graduates to “heart-breaking” once your child is aware of that struggle, too.

We vacationed at one of those indoor water parks this weekend and although we had a great time, Max had an especially hard time behaving. That wasn’t a surprise; Max consistently has a harder time focusing, transitioning and cooperating when we travel.

We suffered a weekend of name-calling, yelling and a rather surly attitude. But it was on the car trip home that we were rewarded with a valuable gift – insight.

We had stopped for gas and as I got out of the car to check something in the suitcase, Max became very agitated. He was kicking the seat in front of him and trying not to cry. I can’t recall exactly what he said but it was something along the lines of “needing to do something” and “can’t control it.” What I definitely remember was, “I can’t explain it.”

I thought he might be feeling uncomfortable because of excess energy so I asked if he wanted to get out of the car to do some jumping jacks. He said no. I figured he needed some sensory input to settle himself down and offered him a Starburst and a lollipop, both of which he refused. I suggested he take off his shoes to get more comfortable. He didn’t like any of my ideas.

It was enlightening for Max to try to express the discomfort he was feeling. But it was crushing to hear him tell us that he feels this way at school, too. When I asked what he does when this happens, he said, “nothing;” that he didn’t behave this way at school.

It saddens me to hear that Max has been struggling to keep his act together at school. He’s succeeded – we’ve never had any reports of behavioral issues – but he shouldn’t have to struggle at all.

It’s hard to know what will make him feel better since Max has no idea himself and can’t articulate exactly what he’s feeling. I don’t know if he knows the words “restless” or “fidgety” but I know that’s what he’s feeling.

If he needed it, the school would make accommodations to make him more comfortable. He could be given permission to take a walk down the hall and back. The resource room has a “chill out” corner with beanbag chairs and headphones for those kids who might need a few minutes to regroup during the day. It’s comforting, to me, that the school already has these systems in place.

The trick now is figuring out how to provide that comfort to Max.