The Absent-Minded Drug Dealer

I had to go out of town unexpectedly for two days this week so Dave would be handling the tasks that usually fall under my job description – making lunches for the kids, talking with their teachers, going over homework sheets and of course, giving the kids their medicine. (Ari requires asthma medication occasionally; Max is on a stimulant, daily.)

I plastered the bathroom mirror with so many notes one might think I was leaving the children with a brand new babysitter rather than their own father. But between Dave’s faulty memory and my neuroticism, the notes were necessary for my peace of mind.

I left at an ungodly hour on Monday morning and called to check in that evening. That’s when Dave made his confession.

“I forgot to give Max his medicine,” he said.

It was my biggest fear – realized. Because despite a year of therapy and countless behavior modification plans, it was that single blue capsule that had the most impact on Max’s improved behavior. After living with world-class outbursts, thirty-minute tantrums, hitting, spitting and verbal assaults, not to mention an attitude way too big for any six-year-old for more than year, we were finally seeing improvement. Our home was no longer filled with non-stop screaming. Max and Ari’s interactions were no longer limited to aggressive acts against her. Things were more in control. Max was more in control. Now that we had found something that made such a dramatic change for the better, I shuddered at the thought of spending the day with an unmedicated Max.

And here Dave was, sending him off to school.

Truth be told, Max spent the first half of kindergarten without the benefit of medication and did just as well as the second half when he was taking a prescription. Yes, he had trouble managing his time and was often the last one to finish a given task. But he wasn’t what you would call a standout student – he didn’t bounce off the walls, get into arguments or help himself to the teacher’s computer the way some of his classmates did. Whatever internal struggles he was dealing with, Max always managed to keep it together at school; Dave and I were the only ones who suffered the fallout at home.

So I wasn’t surprised when Dave told me that he emailed Max’s teacher to find out if there were any problems and she reported none.

I was surprised, however, when Dave – intentionally, this time – didn’t give Max his pill the next day. “As an experiment,” he said.

Dave reported that, off the meds, Max fell asleep faster, slept longer and ate much better. No surprise, since we knew the stimulant was affecting his sleep and his appetite. And he didn’t have any major meltdowns at home.

Are we taking Max off his medication? I don’t know. It’s not something I imagined doing anytime soon because the benefits had outweighed the problems, as far as I was concerned. But Dave was never comfortable with the idea of medication, despite his own admittance that it has made a big improvement, not only in Max, but in everything we do as a family.

About a month ago or so I had started supplementing Max’s prescription with fish oil capsules – essential fatty acids (EFAs) – to help even out his moods. EFAs are still being studied but there’s tons of anecdotal evidence from parents who have given them to their children for a wide range of conditions – speech disorders, autism, ADHD and others – and seen improvement. Max’s therapist even told me about a client who was successfully being treated for bipolar disorder with EFAs alone. So as long as the major outbursts don’t return, I’m willing to see how Max does on just the fish oil.

So today, on my first day back home, I sent him to school without giving him his blue capsule. It was no accident. I just hope it doesn’t turn out to be a mistake.